R2P2: Day 23

Weight: 206.4 lbs
Loss of: .8 lb today
Total Loss: 17.4 lb
Total over all 77.4

So I was a bit long winded yesterday. I blame it on the PMS.

I do want to clarify something. I used to go into black out rages. I don't anymore. I have come a long way after getting married. Husband working through some of my issues with me. I am just a frustrated person trying to be perfect and it bothers me and makes me very upset. I have been really good in the last several months, I haven't raised my voice much at all. I'm actually tired of my son saying "Mommy calm down" lol.

I'm doing okay over all. I am just having a bad bought of pms this week for some reason. Everything is just ticking me off and I went and took a long bath last night and watched 2 movies by myself. It was very refreshing. I feel a lot better this morning, but the pms bug is still nagging at me to be in a lousy mood. Didn't help that my kid is waking up at 4am going "Where is daddy!" I'm like "Kid, he is at work please go back to bed!" Luckly the then let me sleep till 11:30, though I'm so Freaking tired still.

Went to my doctors, and she told me not to take cheat days unless I am losing less then .5 for 3 days. Then take one day off the meds and still do the 500, then the next day enjoy a cheat. Normally this has upped my losses afterwards, so it's not so much cheating as it's helping the diet. :) I'm losing so well this round (though I lost a week due to big cheats for holidays) that I want to keep it going.

We decided to give me a special cheat day after I hit 199, but I said 190 or else I will be doing that every day! 200, then 199. then 200, then 199. LOL Endless cycle of cheating. I told my husband I would rather not eat to celebrate a loss, but maybe give my parents some money when they go to Mexico and have them pick up a nice necklace for me. To celebrate my 200 mark. Or rather its the 199 mark. No more 2 at the start of my weight!
Oh, we are not finding any seats on the 4 hour flight to Mexico in the month of February so I won't be going with my son down there. :( I will call to find out if the web is just being weird or if that is really the true number. My husband just started working, he is the only man on his team and they really need him so the idea of him leaving after he started working is nto going to work well for him. But he thinks that our son taking a week off from daddy might get him to refocus on me a bit more. It's depressing when your son wakes you up at 4am going "Where is daddy" and you tell him "He is at work" and he throws a tantrum and you try to comfort him but he just gets louder. I did manage to cuddle with him after 1/2 hour of being rejected. He is NOT a cuddler. I'm very sad because of it. I grew up with not that much display of affection. Our house is very.. German. And so hugs were not the order of the day. So I grew up not showing affection to others as much, but I craved it. A good hug is sometimes the only thing someone wants. Not a candy bar, not a cookie, or a stuffed animal. Just a freaking hug. So My husband got me into hugs and physical affection. So I try to smother my son with it, but he always pushes away. NOt a cuddler. A player, a dooer, an action kid who does love us, but just isn't into all that stupid phsyical affection. :P heh.

Okay, what is in the water. I'm just blathering around. I'm not really a crazy person. I promise! I'm really okay, just having a hard pms week!