R4P3: Day 5

Weight: 174.2 lbs
LDW: 173.8

Yesterday down to 174

I feel good. I'm going to think about an egg day. I boiled a bunch of eggs, and we have a ton more. :) I am making sure to get my water in. 2nd day was a bit hard w/ my schedule for some reason.

I am going to try to post earlier in the day, my evenings are either busy or early to bed. Okay 'semi' early. hehe

So I am taking various things from the last couple days from the book.
Winston Churhill: We shape our dwellings, and afterwords our dwellings shape us.
Thoughts from the book: You would be surprised by how much you already own that is simply waiting to be reconsidered, rearranged, refinished. Decorating shouldn't be about a room looking like a magazine, as much as how you FEEL in the room.



I think we shape ourselves to be what we want to be, if we are lucky. I think sometimes we try too hard to be what our mother wants, our mother in law wants, maybe even our gal friends want. We go to that restaurant we don't want to eat at, we do activities we are forced to, and engage our children in habits we didn't approve of. But now is the time to change that. We took the first step with hcg to take control of our life. We said no to restaurants, we said no to an extra helping of beef, we said no to that delightful dessert. I hope. I think we have everything we need to take care of ourselves inside of us. I think that we have collected so much stuff and now it's time to purge those that we no longer want with our weight, and shine and dust off those things we actually like, but are afraid of sharing.
I know I keep my mouth shut about a lot of stuff I am proud of internally because of fear of criticism. But I want to live in my surroundings the way I want to.

I am a gamer. I role play Dungeons and Dragons and various other games. Yes, it is a game, I know that. I have an active life of quilting, feeding my family and taking care of the house, plus I game. I'm a girl gamer. I used to hide this from others because it was concidered weird, but I always had to go upstairs and into a bookcase to get a book I would enjoy reading, then put it back. Now it is where I actually use them more. They are on my bookcase downstairs. People who come in my house can see them, and they need to deal with it.

I don't want to cover up the authentic self because I don't want to lose myself in other peoples expectations. Though it is hard because I HATE offending people. I'm always afraid that my hobbies, personality and spiritual ideas conflict with someone and I don't want to make them feel comfortable. Though I realize, most of the time, many people I run into have no fear of expressing many of their beliefs at the expense of others, because of this self confidence in their belief. I don't know. I'm all over the place with this concept.

I realize this is something I need to work through because I have a kid. He is 3 years old and he is growing up in my home. He will see the 'true me' and what I think about things, how I believe about things and stuff I do. He knows I like people to clean up after themselves. He knows that I game, and loves to play with my little miniature monsters, and he knows that I stress about getting the right colors on a quilt together. These are things he will grow up with, part of his soul. He can 'expose' me because he wont know it's 'strange' to some what I do. I'm waiting for the day that he tells his teacher "I played an elf this weekend and captured orcs!" SIGH. hehe.

We need to go on an excavation of the soul/body/mind as we lose this weight more amazing things underneath will be exposed. Throw out the junk and keep the gems!!