R4P2: Day 8

Weight: 177.8 lbs
Total Loss: 8.4
Total over all: 106

Hello All. I was able to clean out a bit today so I should see another decent loss on the scale (hopefully). I have been drinking a lot of coffee, but I am reading an amazing book called "For all the Tea in China" and it makes me want to switch back to my other teas for a while. mmmmmm.

Tonight's Theme: The Ruskin Spring Ritual of Restoration

Things that jumped out at me: 3 things for happy work: fit for it, not do too much of it, have a sense of success in it. black holes harboring clutter. compulsion. a life time of clutter to be dealt with in manageable increments. Do attempt to do it all at once- you will sabotage yourself.

This journal was about clearing the clutter. Going through every room one at a time and allowing ourselves TIME to get organized. We didn't become disorganized in a day, or even a month. How to relate it to hcg. At first I was thinking of clothing or our size, but then it hit really personal: How fast we lose weight on hcg, and by doing it alone we judge the length of the protocol.

It didn't help that my doctor let me be on this protocol for 110 days, and I only stopped to go on a cruise my parents invited me to. I stopped for 1 week break, loaded and went for another 51 days. Stopping this time for a vacation. I took a much longer break because I didn't want to get another bottle of hcg and have 1/2 of it sitting and rotting in the fridge. I got a whole 3 weeks of p3, and 3 weeks of p4 and then started again a 36 day round. I really only stopped that one because I saw what cheating was doing to my husband. (A lot of external reasons to stop rounds)

Most people are doing the protocol like the book says, and I think that is great. I am in a hurry to get this weight off, but I need to start rethinking that again. I need to realize, that I might not get this all off by my 1 year hcg anniversary. And I NEED to be okay with that.

Our bodies are little black holes that hold this seemingly unending amount of fat, but to see myself go down 10 lbs and fit into the next size pants is such a thrill, though sometimes fleeting because I am looking for the next step.

This weight started when I was 19. I climbed a little, then went down an inch, climbed a little more and ended up at 35 years old with 280 lbs of stuff on me. Abuse, neglect, and just plain stupidity and frustration. I would love to ask why didn't I stop at the start. I tried, but never followed through. I can't beat myself up for that. I can't stop and say "Shame on you for getting that big". It happened, and now I am letting it go and in such a hurry to as well.

We are going fast enough on the hcg, and I really think I need to stop at marked points and allow myself to heal off hcg as well. Enjoy the p3 and p4 process.

Do attempt to do it all at once- you will sabotage yourself. So true. You burn out, you give up, you get used to losing so fast that you wonder why can't you lose more faster? SIGH! Am I right ladies? Sometimes we get frustrated that we ONLY lost 3 lbs in one week. Or possibly get so frustrated that our average isn't better then the next person?

It's our own road we need to focus on. It is our journey and we should let each day be joyous and realize that it's not the destination that matters but the traveling. If you think about it the ultimate 'destination' in our life is death. How are you going to enjoy the view at death? Let us enjoy the view up to the day we die, so we can't say "oh wait.. I forgot to look around"

I have a firm goal right now I realize. I want to be 160 lbs on my last day of hcg this round. I don't want it to take forever, I need to reconcider if I do hit a stall, but over all, with a constant reduction I want to be at 160. Why? I want to feel like I can have some loading weight, and some small gains during p3 and still feel like I succeeded at losing enough weight. I can see when you do 30 day rounds that stabilization or rather, no weight gain, becomes really important because you do not want to lose all you gained. (or maybe you don't want to RE-LOSE all you re-gained)