So I took two days off from walking/jogging. I felt horrible about it. I had a lot of hours on wednesday to do it, but choose to do other things. Then yesterday I had no time, and when the husband gets home it gets too dark, though I am thinking I could walk up and down our main street which has bright lights. So no excuses. Oh, my friend also stops by on Thursdays, so that made it hard in the evening. Sigh. But I did just short of 3 miles today.
Day 13th: Thoughts on Success
I do find it funny I am so behind, but yet I find that some themes are so perfect for the day I sit down and ponder it. What does success mean? Have we been conditioned to feel like success or failure? What does success feel like and should we be embarrassed about it? It seems women are to be humble as pie. The meek shall inherit the earth right? We have been conditioned as children, some in older generations more then new generations, to keep our mouths shut, or speak with low voice. We are women after all. We are the weaker sex and should act accordingly. BULL SHIT! :D
We are strong in our right minds! Even in our wrong minds! :) We are capable of bringing another human being into this world, and BIRTHING IT! We are women! Hear us ROAR!!! Not freaking meows. Though, gentle is nice too. But come on. We can be successful. Gosh, Seriously folks. I am in the ‘set myself up for failure’ camp.
In the back of my mind if I do not accomlish a mini marathon on Feb 28th in Disneyworld I will feel like I have failed. Though in the mirror I say “oh, 5k is fine. I would be successful if I did it” and you know, most of my family would be SO proud of me. Not only did I do it, but that means till then I have been pounding pavement, getting my body in better shape, which is the primary concern of my parents. I am goal oriented and if I don’t make it I’m a failure. Why the world are we our worst enemies?? We need to be our absolute best friend. How can we cross that bridge? How can we be our own cheer leader? We are with ourselves 100% of the time. We need to find a way to be there for ourselves.
I think people think in extremes. You have to do it all or not at all. We can’t just be okay with cleaning the sink and letting the rest of the kitchen be a mess. I can’t even make myself breakfast or coffee in the morning unless the whole kitchen is clean, no matter how hungry I am. I won’t let myself feel successful unless I beat the world record holder. Miserable huh?
Day 14th: Giving Yourself Credit (great segway huh?)
I think I don’t give myself credit because I am afraid that if I say something nice about myself, someone who is listening will think I am a bad person or will say ‘strive for better’ so I need to beat them to the punch. That is why I am hard on myself. I HATE criticism of the horrid kind. Not simply how to do something better, but not getting credit from others. So when I do something wrong I have to blow it out of proportion. I have to loudly let other’s know that “ I KNOW I MESSED UP! I AM HORRID! I SHOULD LOCK MYSELF UP” and hope that people say “oh noooo, that is not true, your great and awesome. You should get a metal for that!”
I also was raise around two parents that just couldn’t give me a compliment or praise in fear of me becoming complient. Actually I don’t know why they did that, but I think it was their fear that I would sit down and relax. We can’t have that. I would call my mom and tell her about my weekend Monday mornings when I lived 70 miles away. She would come back with her laundry list of ‘stuff she did’ because it was some competition for who worked the hardest. I could never say “I worked 60 hours, so I took the weekend off. There is always house work, maybe go out and exercise or do something that doesn’t involve being ‘lazy’” SIGH.
I challenge all of us, every night, to find ONE thing that day that we can give ourselves credit for. Doesn't’ have to be a marathon. Maybe simply ‘I went out and walked’, or ‘I made sure to say ‘I love you’ to my children’, why not a simple ‘I told myself I loved myself’ or something. Hey, respond to this post with something you give yourself credit for today, if you can’t seem to today, think of this last week! I want to know other things that we should give our selves credit for. I wonder if ‘not bickering for once after our husband dropped his freaking dirty socks on the couch’ yet I feel like that is a cop out. LOL.
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