P2D10: 194.8(total 12.2)

Since I do not post every day, I will just put a running total of overall weight I have lost, I think this will make it easier over all for all. heh.

Todays Theme: Accept the uncreative moments.

The quote is so amazing, and gives me what i need to hear today: “One must also accept that one has ‘uncreative’ moments. The more honestly one can accept that, the quicker these moments will pass. One must have the courage to call a halt, to feel empty and discouraged.”- Etty Hillesum.

Sometimes we hit an empty well of creativity in any part of our life. What to cook tonight, what to play, what to write, what to even think sometimes.

I had bad news this morning, nothing earth shattering, but it changes several people in my life that i care about. A death in their family, a family friend that I haven’t talked to much lately, but I still cared about. This is a very sad moment. Sometimes I find myself un able to figure out ‘how sad’ I’m allowed to be. Silly perhaps, but I can’t be the only one that thinks that.

This was the feather in the hat of already a slow start to my week. I have been a bit overwhelmed and lacking the energy to be creative over all with my life. I have several projects to work on.

I was going to work on such a project yesterday with some friends, but I found myself wanting to JUST sit down and watch mind numbing wonderful tv! I got behind on one of my shows.

Talking to my mother in law this morning I realized, she has moments when she consumes, and when she purges. I loved hearing this because it made things in my life clear. I had consumed so much information, I was done doing it. I wanted nothing more to come in. I couldn’t process any more information. I am not quite ready to purge either. I’m in that holding depot where I just want to process what I have and have a moment not to process, nor consume nor purge. We need those days, and allow them to be PART of the process so that we can move on.
What happens with our body when we push and push and push, yet it is sick? It stays in that sick gear till we can fully take care of that part, by drinking water, resting and taking care of the cold so that we can push ourselves later. I think that ‘crash’ days have to be part of our process. The refueling, the idling. The time for our bodies just to be. Sometimes we just need to look out of our window with a cup of coffee and let our thoughts direct themselves and play tennis while we watch. Be the spectator for once.

Sort of like a garden. We tilled the soil, we planted the seeds, we watered the bed well. Now we have to wait. We watch those seeds grow into plants, but do not pick them too soon or else we just have inedible leaves to eat, rather then a bounty brimming over.

This is where I am feeling at right now. Watching my seedlings grow, yet I am too impatient. Life has a way of smacking us to remind us: WATCH THE DARNED SEEDS GROW AND DRINK YOUR COFFEE IN PEACE! ENJOY IT TOO!