P2D10: 194.8(total 12.2)

Since I do not post every day, I will just put a running total of overall weight I have lost, I think this will make it easier over all for all. heh.

Todays Theme: Accept the uncreative moments.

The quote is so amazing, and gives me what i need to hear today: “One must also accept that one has ‘uncreative’ moments. The more honestly one can accept that, the quicker these moments will pass. One must have the courage to call a halt, to feel empty and discouraged.”- Etty Hillesum.

Sometimes we hit an empty well of creativity in any part of our life. What to cook tonight, what to play, what to write, what to even think sometimes.

I had bad news this morning, nothing earth shattering, but it changes several people in my life that i care about. A death in their family, a family friend that I haven’t talked to much lately, but I still cared about. This is a very sad moment. Sometimes I find myself un able to figure out ‘how sad’ I’m allowed to be. Silly perhaps, but I can’t be the only one that thinks that.

This was the feather in the hat of already a slow start to my week. I have been a bit overwhelmed and lacking the energy to be creative over all with my life. I have several projects to work on.

I was going to work on such a project yesterday with some friends, but I found myself wanting to JUST sit down and watch mind numbing wonderful tv! I got behind on one of my shows.

Talking to my mother in law this morning I realized, she has moments when she consumes, and when she purges. I loved hearing this because it made things in my life clear. I had consumed so much information, I was done doing it. I wanted nothing more to come in. I couldn’t process any more information. I am not quite ready to purge either. I’m in that holding depot where I just want to process what I have and have a moment not to process, nor consume nor purge. We need those days, and allow them to be PART of the process so that we can move on.
What happens with our body when we push and push and push, yet it is sick? It stays in that sick gear till we can fully take care of that part, by drinking water, resting and taking care of the cold so that we can push ourselves later. I think that ‘crash’ days have to be part of our process. The refueling, the idling. The time for our bodies just to be. Sometimes we just need to look out of our window with a cup of coffee and let our thoughts direct themselves and play tennis while we watch. Be the spectator for once.

Sort of like a garden. We tilled the soil, we planted the seeds, we watered the bed well. Now we have to wait. We watch those seeds grow into plants, but do not pick them too soon or else we just have inedible leaves to eat, rather then a bounty brimming over.

This is where I am feeling at right now. Watching my seedlings grow, yet I am too impatient. Life has a way of smacking us to remind us: WATCH THE DARNED SEEDS GROW AND DRINK YOUR COFFEE IN PEACE! ENJOY IT TOO!

Gastric Bypass and HCG

Curious- Does anyone have any information about how to do the diet after a Bypass? My friend lost a bunch of weight on it, but is struggling with extra skin and weight. Her doctor will do the skin surgery if she lost 50 more lbs.

I know she tried the hcg diet, but it hurt too much for her. We think it is because of the GBypass and her food. So what modifications would she need to do?

p2d5- 197.6 (-.2)

So I have a post from yesterday I need to post. The thought I had wasn’t expressed clearly and I want to clean it up.

I’m a bit miffed that on day 5 I went down to a .2 loss? WTF?!? Yes, I said it! This is why I don’t like the scale. I could be doing all sorts of good stuff on the inside, which is causing me to retain water for a flush later. But no, I see a low loss.

I am also overwhelmed. I found out a good friend lost of his job of 10 years due to bs reasons. You need the job, but you are at the whim of your bosses mood. If they don’t feel you live up to their high standards, they screw your life. He is a good worker and has been so loyal, but that means nothing now a days. He has a 2nd kid coming and a mortgage. I think that put me in a slight empathetical slump. It effected me.

My kid ran into me, I think it could have been on purpose and I bit my tongue and have a headache now. :( Bad mood. I gave myself a time out to cool down.

My house is a mess, I am on the computer too much, and I don’t know what my problem is. I had a great time playing with friends last night, good mood and everything. I haven’t eaten yet today. and I am sort of going through the ‘food withdrawl’ I loved eating hot wings with celery for lunch. I miss that routine. I miss some shows that are now going on fall break. Sigh. Be careful of putting food in a routine. Especially certain types of food.

I think I am in a hormonal swing. And low weight loss for today. I was hoping the 30 lbs was going to just FLY off. We will see tomorrow.

Curious- if you do everything to the rules, does anyone possibly just not weigh themselves for several days to see bigger numbers? Do you have a ‘mon/thur/Sat weighin?’

I’m curious if that is smart. The scale does impact how I feel and I hate it. I was going to simply write it but a .2 is just not cutting it for me.

My son is watching a cake making video and the guy is saying ganache wrong. It’s outright pissing me off for some reason.

Yes, apparently I am all kinds of sensitive today. Sigh. Life is hard! I think I am going to take some time off from everything, sit in the corner and just veg. I need to eat first.

 

Later!

p2D3 – 200 (-3.6)

 

Good Morning all.

So, I am going to start working from that book again.

 

Today’s Theme: Eye of the Beholder.

The book talks about having one hand in life, and another in a creative element so that you lid won’t pop due to lack of artistic outlet in life.

But applying it to hcg I feel that the quote she uses says everything- “The work of art which I do not make, none other will ever make” – Simone Weil.

WoW. If I don’t improve myself, no one will. We can use use all sort of ways to get ourselves to be improved. A new dress, a self help book, going out in the park and leaving it on the soccer field. I mean, there shouldn’t be one manual for us all on how to be the masterpiece we see ourselves as.

Write down on a piece of paper how you see your self as a masterpiece, write out how you envision what you do, how you look, what you wear. But then I want you to simply throw it away. Because I bet, this is a ‘perfect’ us, an idealized self. If we don’t reach it, we won’t be happy with ourselves huh?

I think we then have to go to a mirror and look at the painting we have created. Maybe it needs a little refurbishing, but even then most artists won’t throw out the actual painting, nor will they design a completely different image. They will take off the dust, the cobwebs and maybe put it in a nicer frame.

Don’t discount who you are. You are who you are. Try finding ways to describe your notorious ‘bad habits’ into fun things.

I talk a lot. No. I’m a story teller!

I worry too much, and am OC. No. I like to be organized and make sure everything has been taken care of. Though I do know I could use a little less worriness. There are unhealthy extremes. But I think the first start is recognizing the attributes we have and turning them into positives. Once we do that, we will see if we do take something a bit extreme, and renovate it to be more manageable for ourselves.

A new frame: Lose some weight (as we do with HCG), get a new out fit that makes us shine. A new scarf, handbag, jewelry. Whatever makes US shine! Not hides us. We are worth it, otherwise we wouldn’t consider going on hcg huh?

I think some of the hardest work we will ever undertake is accepting ourselves for who we actually are and not trying to becomes something other’s want us to be. Even harder- not trying to become something we THINK we should be.

Celebrate yourself! Look in the mirror every morning from here on out and say “Your worth it” and maybe one of these days you will truly believe it and not think it’s cheesy to talk to yourself! :)

Big hugs everyone! I can’t believe I stopped doing this. This is extremely cathartic.

Have a wonderful day!

btw: I am very happy that 7 lbs in 2 days are gone! that is pretty much my load weight. So we will see what the next several days holds. If I can get into my size 16 pants in a week from now, I will be flying high! :)

Day 2 p2 – Loss 3.4 lbs (203.6)

Hello all,

I’m feeling very unemotional today. Which is good right? heh. I feel very matter of fact about the diet, which is good. I was a little afraid I would be all ‘OH GOD I AM HUNGRY!” or something.

 

I made myself a coffee and nursed that all morning, then I made spinach, fat free hotdog (kosher beef kind) and 1 egg w/ 2/3rds of the yolk taken away, for a bonding agent really. I used to eat hot dogs, Spinach and eggs when I was a kid for dinner from time to time, so it was actually ‘comfort’ food for me. :) Go figure that my 2nd day meal would be a comfort food.

I really like the Windows Live Writer to write my blogs. One click everything. Gotta like it.

I wonder if also the medication puts me in a good mood. I really feel like a cloud was lifted. You got to love the ‘burst’ of energy and the happy toons in my head! Makes for a great start. Ask me again in 15 days though how i feel. I hope the same though.

I am going to just record my weight, not get too involved in it, it will be ALL about getting into size 14 comfortably. I have a bunch of pants in that size, and I was JUST about there my last round, and now I am a comfortable size 18. SIGH. I’m a bit upset that I have to lose like 30 lbs before I can ‘start to lose’ weight again, if that makes sense. I don’t count ‘already lost that pound’ weight.

So I hope to quickly get into the 190’s because of loading weight, and since I SO EASILY went up to 200 from 170’s. I hope to get there in no time in the next couple WEEKS and not start trickling the weight by tomorrow. Hehe. ya, I don’t want much. Hence the ‘focus’ on the pant sizes.

Has anyone else noticed that with themselves. If after a round they gained a bunch quickly, that weight was quick to lose till you got back to your ‘regularly scheduled program’??

Thanks folks for your well wishes! It is always nice to have a team on your side! :)

Have a good one!

Day 1 of round 5?

Hello All,

I’m now into my HCG round. I’m doing HHCG. We will see how it works. I’m always nervous at the start if the medication works. Hehe.  Was this batch bad or something. Will I STARVE and all that weight gained through loading STICK!

I am starting the round at 207 (sigh from being at 273 LDW) and we will go all the way, till I putter out! :) I realize I get different mentality on food when I am on hcg that I wish would move over to when I am not in HCG. It is just food, I don’t have to think about it if I have the fridge stocked and outside things like reading, writing or other things will have to bring me the joy that fatty foods bring me. Go figure.

Well, we are off to the zoo with our kid. I enjoy the zoo, we have a season pass that lets us go to the zoo for the yearly fee that we pay once. :) Yeay!

I ate some food, will bring an apple, so I shouldn’t be too overwhelmed. We were so busy yesterday we forgot to buy p2 type foods. Sigh. I’m feeling never prepared enough. But I will get through this.

I am going to try to start up the daily posting with my personal insight from the journal I was doing earlier. I can’t believe I didn’t follow through with it, but I was busy eating instead of writing. :P

Almost there

So I have been sitting at 198 for a couple days, though I have done good with food. Sigh! heh.

I was hoping for a bigger pay off, but i have been walking and it has been nice!

I want to be totally mentally ready for the diet, but in the end I think I am ready to LOOSE the weight. My pants think so too. They are tired of carrying around my fat behind, so they refuse to fit! Silly Pants!

I hate that part. I got rid of a lot of pants that I WOULD NEVER need again right? Ya, didn’t happen like I planned. I also wasn’t expecting to take such a long break. But it was good. So long break! Farewell! I loved you so!

Yes, I am a bit high off coffee right now. I got a new coffee maker RIGHT BEFORE I go on the diet and won’t drink coffee because it has no milk! SIGH!

I might do some non-fat dairy up to the 26 days before I quite. I think i want to do a full 40 day round. It would be good for me. We will see how I feel at the end.

Personally folks: A 100 day round was SO MUCH EASIER! I wish I just stuck out the full 150 lbs. The thing is, food is addictive, and when you live long enough with out it, you sort of forget how good it is, unfortunately we got  every couple months to remind us and that, I think, makes the diet harder. But at the same time, I think if you do short rounds to help some pounds go off, it can be nice, especially when you get close to your target weight.

 

I have done 2 days of walking. Tomorrow will be my 3rd day of Couch to 5k program. 3 times a week I will walk. It is a jogging program, but I just pump my arms and walk faster. I wonder if onlookers think I am weird that i casually walk then all of a sudden BOOM! :) I do and don’t really care really.

I find it funny, that the moment I do start the program our weather has turned to 90 degree’s making it more sweaty and hotter out there to really exercise! :P blech. I will look forward to walking in rain, though hot weather does burn more calories.

 

question: Does anyone know how to possibly create a ‘steam room’ in a bathroom and not destroy the wall and create a mold problem? I was thinking of putting plastic tarp covering my shower and only the tile bits. So I can contain it. I could do it, but don’t want to make holes in the wall. I could make a ‘frame’ since we have a sliding glass doors for our shower. Hmmmm. Might play with that. Makes the area smaller as well.

I hope all you guys are doing well! It’s been busy at the house. I have a lot of new fabrics I have been turning into bags. :D I LOVE MAKING BAGS! I hope I can sell some of these on etsy though. We will see! BIG HUGS ALL!

2 weeks and counting

Hey folks. I am trying a Windows Live Writer to see if this works, plus to let you know that I am in the works to start HCG in 2 weeks. Less now, but 2 Friday's from now.

I went up to 204, but now I am sitting at 198 since doing the ‘right thing’. I don’t do the right thing often with food, and I forgot how much fun real meals with flavor can be. I made a chicken dish with peppers, tomatoes and corn. AWESOME! Corn and Carrots are a no-no apperently but honeslty they are better than chips, or corn dog, so I am not going to worry about it unless I have something better to eat. :)

I am trying to eat eggs in the morning and switch between steak and chicken.

 

Okay, I’m going to see if this posts works through this program now. :)