I have been busy with various things. Making yearly costumes, trying to find time to run/walk, and I have now gotten myself into writing 50k words in November. (http://www.nanowrimo.org/)
I have learned that patterns are a loose understanding of how to correctly do something. But when you do it often enough you find your own way of doing it that works for you.
When you start out on something you find yourself following the rules because the cake might come out the way you want it. I have this NEED to follow some pattern of running because If I follow it I will succeed, if not then I will fail. Same thing with the story writing. If I use that program the RIGHT away then I will write the great American novel.
If we do the diet JUST right we will succeed, if we don’t, we will lose.
Folks: There is no manual to how to live life, because I have come to the conclusion that there is not RIGHT way of living life. It is what you want to do. It is how comfortable you are. You need to find those personal rules or code of conduct. I am not saying go out and shove someone. I hate it when people think that by having no rules you go out and do mean things. I do not hurt people because I choose to, not because of some law. I do not steal not because of laws, because I don’t believe in taking from other’s regardless of how stupid, mean or ungrateful it is. I will not lower myself to them.
Life has no real rules, there are a bunch of rules that have been enforced on us because it brings about a community that seems to disfunctionally function. heh.
Who cares if you cheat on this diet. Who cares of you get one less mile in this week. Who cares if you like to watch that tv show that no one will admit to watching. If that is what you need to do to get through life, then so be it. You need to live with yourself and you need to figure it out.
I have a lot of anxiety with rules. If I don’t follow that word program on how it is suppose to be used, then I have somehow failed. I need instead, to find a way to use that program for my needs. I need to find my comfort zone, I need to think outside of the box and figure out the consequences of my actions and can *I* live with them? I am not saying that cheating on the diet won’t make you gain weight. I am saying maybe it’s not the end of the world.
I think we get caught up in following the rules so precise that we hurt our mental well being in the process. I don’t want a thin body at the expense of showing it off to my couch because I won’t leave the house.
I’m realizing things about myself, I am trying to let experiences teach me. I am also trying to be honest with myself.
My family life growing up was that my mom had these horrible illnesses. She has RA and it’s hard on her, but that gave her the license to be the physical patient in the house. I was a bit mentally messed up, but it was denied as much as possible because I had to be the perfect daughter. I am not realizing that I am riddled with anxiety and I could benefit from some sort of therapy or medication. This is hard for me to admit. Because I am not allowed to have problems. I am to suffer in silence and just DEAL with it!
I have had good conversations with my parents lately that allow me to have some issues because it bonds me with my mom’s anxiety. We can now relate with stuff and when we have a few glasses of wine our lips are loose. heh. It’s been nice though.
I have admitted this to my husband, and he has known it, but I have always just changed topics and now we are having more honest conversations with solutions that will be long term.
Part of it is realizing that rules hurts me. Rules of how to write, I am so wrapped up with following the rules exactly that if I step one step off of the beaten path I am a failure. This is extreme. I am not advocating speeding. heh. I am not advocating just being a dumb behind about stuff, common sense needs to play a roll, and that is the thing. When we follow certain rules to the extreme, common sense leaves the room. It goes both ways in the extreme. Like if you go to far to the left or the right, you are extreme and meet at the same place.
In the end it’s about realizing that life has no hard and fast rules, relax and do what works for you and use those codes of conduct for yourself, and who cares about outside voices. (or even inside negative voices for that matter)
I realize I could use this advice in my parenting life as well. Stop listening to the advice from outside and follow what works for our family!