R1P2: Day 76

Weight: 236.6 lbs
Loss of: .6
Total Loss: 47.2 lbs

I'm almost to the 50 lb mark. What do I want to reward myself with? I think 2 new pair of pants. Mine are so freaking loose but not quite falling off my hips, but still are baggy. I'm a little depressed though that the next size down are a bit firm on me, especially my thighs. :P I don't want to do any major sewing on my pants to make them look aweful. :P

Not much going on here, our living room is pretty much done, costumes are being made and finished up this week and I need to go grocery shopping for a few extra things. My life is exciting. No skydiving, no deep sea fishing. heh. Just shopping and sewing.

I'm going to get my husband some new pants because he lost a enough weight that all his pants are baggy giving him 'poo butt' pants. :P Not as sexy has he has become. He was sexy before he lost his weight but somehow the meter has been turned up. I expect the same is going for him seeing me. I've become even sexier, though he has always found me sexy. He lets me know that all the time. Sometimes too much. heh. Dude, I'm cooking dinner, stop goggling me! ;) We have our issues, but him finding me sexy is not one of them.

I think that has been a issue in our relationship actually. It's funny, to think I would get fat to be less sexier. He was, at the start of our relationship, a bit too jealous and I just naturally had guy friends because I related with them better. Yes, I was the girl playing Star Wars on the playground in 1st grade w/ all the guys. Of course I was the Princess stuck in the prison waiting for the guys to rescue me. :P I wanted to be out there 'fighting' with lasers but I digress. HEY, I just realized- I will be a Jedi for Halloween. heeeee. hehe. :) anywho. But my husband, then boyfriend, didn't trust me to be around anyone. Don't ask how we made it work. But I realized I hid and ate and some of it was to become so unattractive to other men so my husband didn't think I was sleeping around or blame me for being 'too attractive' or something. So we never really 'worked it out' and the other night I told him.. "I'm sorry but men might find me attractive" and he laughed. He knew where that was coming from. He is SOOO not jealous anymore. He knows I am trustworthy. I had a guy at my work once advance on me. I pushed him away and walked out of his office and never saw him again. AND I told my husband right away. So I was able to 'prove' my trust. So we just keep open dialog and being thin won't be scary in the 'do other's find me attractive' category.

I tried on some of my lingerie the other night and it was actually TOO BIG for me! :) My husband, in an attempt to make me feel sexy, bought me various sizes in lingerie but it never totally worked, I still saw the fat. Well, most of the items fit me well, or are too big now, and my curves have reappeared nicely to make me look better in these items. yes I am still fat, but I feel 100x more sexier then I did 45 lbs ago. I still have 100 lbs to go, but come on... sexy is a frame of mind.

Can you find your sexy? Who cares that you still have 10, 20 or 50 more pounds to lose, can you find your sexiest pair of underware and truly find the sexy person within? Don't look in a mirror if it doesn't work. It's not about physical sexy, I'm going for mental sexy here! Honestly- if you have granny panties- go out to the store and get yourself nicer ones!! I go to Lane Bryant and I have ALWAYS worn sexy panties!! If I, at 150 lbs over weight can do it, you can toO! :) (They are the bikini form, no g-string for me please)