A sunday afternoon

Hello,

It’s been a while and seems that when not on the diet, I don’t do as much posting. Which is funny since I am in love with writing. I am going to try to take part of the November Writing contest.

I love to walk, I love to write. I love to enjoy life as much as possible. I Love to better myself as a person. So let me find a theme for today! :)

I’m doing good though. I am walking. Did about 10 miles this week but should have taken a break since I did the 5k. I think I posted something on that. I’m all mixed up. Life is mixed up and then it calms down enough to sit and write about it. Heh.

It looks like we are on day 15th: Authentic Success.

Cute “We must all pay with the current coin of life For the honey that we taste.” – Rachel Blumestein.

When I think of Authentic Success I think of the idea of authentic being real, honest and meaningful to ourselves. When we accomplish something for other’s it really isn’t authentic. I think once we feel comfortable enough to be honest, we can truly live authentic. Why are you really losing weight? If you are happy with your current weight, why lose more? Why gain more? What are OUR goals? I think we have so many obligations to our family, to our friends and to the world. To our perceived expectations. I Think that is the hardest part. We can say “oh, my mom wants me to lose weight’ and be able to recognize it as ‘that goal’ outside of ourselves, but what about after your mom passes away and it’s in your soul. How do you know if this is a goal you want to do, or you think your parents wanted for you? That it’s some sort of self imposed expectation. I want to be size 2 because that is what the world wants and I would be accepted more? I mean for god sakes people- there are plenty of clothes in size 4 that would look good.  But if it’s a true “I feel bloated and just feel BETTER in a size 2 because that is the weight your body wants to be at, that would be authentic. That is your mind listening to your body and what it needs.

I won! In 2 ways

I did the 5k yesterday! WOOT!

So I won 1st place in Women's Walking. WOOT!
and 2: I did the best time yet for myself: 12:45 min pace!!!!

I'm so proud of that accomplishment.

There were only 100 people and maybe 50% runners and 40% of them were 'casual' walkers. So I feel like I was the only one in my 'catagory' that really pushed for a timed walk. heh. But we did it for public school sports, so they were the true winners! :)

I want to do small 5k events like this that benefit stuff like that. Breast Cancer, Women in the Congo, and various other local things that my 15 dollars would make a difference along with 200 other people. ya know?

I said I was going to walk maybe a Mile today, but ended up on the phone with the husband and walking w/ him for 3 miles! WOOT! I think what I might do next time is walk 1 mile, THEN call him and see if I get 4 miles out of it. ;) lol. It felt REALLY good to walk. I need to start working towards running a 5k for the end of February.

Okay:
Thought Time:
So I have bathroom books. Not books that are about bathrooms but books I keep in bathrooms for casual or indepth reading. My bathroom upstairs has Einstein for Dummies and a Book of Zen (Need to get the title again) and the book of zen had some really interesting thoughts I wanted to share.
So the idea is that we start out 'not knowing' stuff so we do not stop at one thing in our mind. We just 'swing the sword' to block the attack, we don't think about the name of the move. Then we start to learn to become swordmasters, and in the process we learn technique, we learn names, we learn what we should do with our arms. Then we get caught up in the thinking of 'now I block with a blocking move called x' and we have a mental hiccup. We stop and stare at the one leaf to miss the whole tree of leaves. But once we BECOME the 'masters' we stop thinking of the moves and just do them. We take in the whole tree. That idea that the fool and wise person become the same. The circle has been completed.

I think we do that with diets, and hcg, or weight loss. We do a lot of not knowing at first. We just do. We make meals, thinking they are healthy, we have habits we just do! Then we learn that we need to drink water, we need to look at labels, and it becomes very overwhelming and time consuming. We make it a full time job of dieting. But now I understand- we should let that process happen. We need to let the knowledge come to us, and realize that ONE DAY it will become just as natural as using the restroom. We will eat the right thing 'naturally'. We will pass on foods that are bad, just because we don't want them. We will make these good 'diet' habits naturally one day as long as we make our conscience effort now to do the right thing.

5k today sick yesterday

Hey folks

So I was sick this last week. The kid was then sick, we think 2 boughts of possible food poisoning. Poor kid.

I rearranged the whole house though while the kid was in bed sick. So. That leaves me at no work out for the last week. except heavy lifting.

I have a 5k today w/o walking this whole week, unless you count the 10 times up and 10 times down the staircase. Maybe more. That has to count right? It is not like I was in bed for a week. I’m nervious but no clue why. Just the anxiety and excitment of it all!!!

I ate a banana with peanut butter, some coffee a tiny little aussie muffin and water. I think I am ready. This should settle enough for a 11am starting time (it being 9:20 now).

Just writing this is upping my anxiety! Wooooooo. I will hopefully post a finish line picture IF my husband doesn’t mess up and arrive late. I am taking my phone and will call him if I have to. LOL. My parents are going as well. I am VERY happy about this, otherwise I would be in the bathroom throwing up from anxiety of having to do it alone. I hate doing things alone for the most part.

Oh, our house got painted by the landlord. Not her personally, but she had it done, I found out a lot about her history of the property. Very cool. Her son owns the construction company that does the painting and fixing. Very cool. Okay. Total topic switcher. I got my diabetie bar for energy but not a bunch of sugar (I have been more sensitive to sugar lately. SIGH) and my smart water. I got safety pins for my number. I got my ipod w/sensor for my shoe. I will be doing a personal timing. Since I know that the time goes by the first person who crosses the start line.

Oh my. NERVIOUS!

I should get ready to go, parents will be here any minute! Big hugs all. sorry for the absence, but I have been busy rearranging house and being sick.

T minus 144 days

Hello All,

So ya, I have been like liquid, very fluid. But I think you need to be as you find out new information. I have decided to keep walking but not push the running. I found out several things.

1. When 190 lbs you shouldn’t really run, but walking while pushing yourself is good! So I won’t do an all or nothing thing. I am walking marathons!

2. Many marathons are VERY walker friendly. WOOT!

So ya, so I am going to focus on walking a 1/2 marathon in 144 days though my sister in law wants to me work on running the 5k. We will see. In light of the new info I think I have a lot to back me for walking. I am not wimping out. I just want a long fitness career!

My birthday was yesterday. :D I spent Saturday night at a hotel with husband w/o kid. It was nice to have a little break and focus on each other. We went to a marvelous restaurant. Had great Italian food and too many Cosmo’s! :D Okay, not too many! I became a WOO girl, but all inside! I dare not to be that brazen in public! Or I just didn’t drink enough. ;)

So ya. I’m excited about the walking. I even went walking the day we were suppose to pack our stuff on Saturday. I just HAD to walk.

My pants are feeling bigger, yet my weight is slightly higher. So I think I am getting muscle? How long does that whole process take?

I want to get this posted. I will post something from the book soon. I could really use it!

The ponderings of me right now

So I took two days off from walking/jogging. I felt horrible about it. I had a lot of hours on wednesday to do it, but choose to do other things. Then yesterday I had no time, and when the husband gets home it gets too dark, though I am thinking I could walk up and down our main street which has bright lights. So no excuses. Oh, my friend also stops by on Thursdays, so that made it hard in the evening. Sigh. But I did just short of 3 miles today.

Day 13th: Thoughts on Success

I do find it funny I am so behind, but yet I find that some themes are so perfect for the day I sit down and ponder it. What does success mean? Have we been conditioned to feel like success or failure? What does success feel like and should we be embarrassed about it? It seems women are to be humble as pie. The meek shall inherit the earth right? We have been conditioned as children, some in older generations more then new generations, to keep our mouths shut, or speak with low voice. We are women after all. We are the weaker sex and should act accordingly. BULL SHIT! :D

We are strong in our right minds! Even in our wrong minds! :) We are capable of bringing another human being into this world, and BIRTHING IT! We are women! Hear us ROAR!!! Not freaking meows. Though, gentle is nice too. But come on. We can be successful. Gosh, Seriously folks. I am in the ‘set myself up for failure’ camp.

In the back of my mind if I do not accomlish a mini marathon on Feb 28th in Disneyworld I will feel like I have failed. Though in the mirror I say “oh, 5k is fine. I would be successful if I did it” and you know, most of my family would be SO proud of me. Not only did I do it, but that means till then I have been pounding pavement, getting my body in better shape, which is the primary concern of my parents. I am goal oriented and if I don’t make it I’m a failure. Why the world are we our worst enemies?? We need to be our absolute best friend. How can we cross that bridge? How can we be our own cheer leader? We are with ourselves 100% of the time. We need to find a way to be there for ourselves.

I think people think in extremes. You have to do it all or not at all. We can’t just be okay with cleaning the sink and letting the rest of the kitchen be a mess. I can’t even make myself breakfast or coffee in the morning unless the whole kitchen is clean, no matter how hungry I am. I won’t let myself feel successful unless I beat the world record holder. Miserable huh?

Day 14th: Giving Yourself Credit (great segway huh?)

I think I don’t give myself credit because I am afraid that if I say something nice about myself, someone who is listening will think I am a bad person or will say ‘strive for better’ so I need to beat them to the punch. That is why I am hard on myself. I HATE criticism of the horrid kind. Not simply how to do something better, but not getting credit from others. So when I do something wrong I have to blow it out of proportion. I have to loudly let other’s know that “ I KNOW I MESSED UP! I AM HORRID! I SHOULD LOCK MYSELF UP” and hope that people say “oh noooo, that is not true, your great and awesome. You should get a metal for that!”

I also was raise around two parents that just couldn’t give me a compliment or praise in fear of me becoming complient. Actually I don’t know why they did that, but I think it was their fear that I would sit down and relax. We can’t have that. I would call my mom and tell her about my weekend Monday mornings when I lived 70 miles away. She would come back with her laundry list of ‘stuff she did’ because it was some competition for who worked the hardest. I could never say “I worked 60 hours, so I took the weekend off. There is always house work, maybe go out and exercise or do something that doesn’t involve being ‘lazy’” SIGH.

I challenge all of us, every night, to find ONE thing that day that we can give ourselves credit for. Doesn't’ have to be a marathon. Maybe simply ‘I went out and walked’, or ‘I made sure to say ‘I love you’ to my children’, why not a simple ‘I told myself I loved myself’ or something. Hey, respond to this post with something you give yourself credit for today, if you can’t seem to today, think of this last week! I want to know other things that we should give our selves credit for. I wonder if ‘not bickering for once after our husband dropped his freaking dirty socks on the couch’ yet I feel like that is a cop out. LOL.

Are you a dreamer or visionary?

So as I am training to run I signed up for Jeff Galloway’s Newsletter. I like his ‘run/walk’ method of training. So I don’t have to learn to run over night. :)

Anywho- Well he sends this motivational letter to you to read. I caught on to something about hcg and us: Dreams vs Visions.

The idea is that dreams are able to be more then we can get to. Like flying. Being so tiny and such a low weight and skinny figure that it is unrealistic. Maybe coming in under 1 hour on a 26 mile run! Those are dreams, but they can be fairly unrealistic. Visions are like dreams, but they seem to be steeped in some form of reality and goal setting. I guess it’s like saying “I’m releasing weight’ vs “i’m LOSING weight'” (that has a feeling that we will find it later).

We need to be realistic with our goals. I talked to a lady today, she said she likes small goals that she can reach. I tend to be a big spender when it comes to goals. BIG goals that I can work on failing!

Lets start with small goals. Losing 1 lb at a time. Shaping ourself one step at a time. What can we realistically accomplish today? I want to clean the whole house, but it needs to be put into small realistic bite sized goals. We need this because WE NEED to SUCCEED once in a while, and show ourselves what setting up ourselves for success vs failure feels like. Even if it means to clean out one side of the sink by putting all the dirty dishes in the other side. ;) We just need to find little ways other than food that we can feel good about. :)

48 hours

Hello All

I’m feeling pretty positive right now. I just hope it keeps up. I wanted to go running today, but my window wasn’t there, I hope tonight after hubby comes home, and do a 1-3 mile in the park.

Day 10: Setting your own pace, or beating to your own drum can be an internal sound. I was thinking about this post. The greatest personal achievements might not be received well by others. I think we all know this one too well with just the introduction of hcg. “YOUR DOING WHAT!?! You will die! You will suffer!” Oh well, we know different. Why should we only put our trust in the hormone? Why not ourselves that if we feel that we are doing the right thing, maybe we are for ourselves! Not everyone can beat to one drum. We wouldn’t have the diversity that we have. I think we need to be respectful of other people’s decisions and I think we need to be mindful of the ones we take. Just because we really want them doesn’t mean they will be good for us, but they are the ones we got until something new comes around.

Day 11: A Psalm for life by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow:

Let us, then, be up and doing

With a heart for any fate;

Still achieving, still pursuing,

Learn to labor and to wait.

We need time to focus on making our dreams come true. We can’t sit around hoping we will win the lottery, we need to go out and buy a ticket. We need to dedicate just 5 minutes to start then make it bigger and bigger. I bet we could steal some time in the bathroom to read a book. We waste a lot of time during the day, and I wonder if it is because we are so overworked at times we dilly around looking like we are busy because we are afraid of really taking care of ourselves.

Find out what it is you want in life. I always say that I can’t make time for exercise, but somehow where there is a will there is a way. Find out what your will is asking you to do. Then you will naturally find a way! Cut out the crap in your life as well. Don’t let yourself get cluttered in the nuances of life of ‘shoulds’ and ‘for others’ and find some time for yourself.

Day 12: uncommon women and others.

Our Aspirations are our possibilities. – Samuel Johnson.

Being self absorbed in the making of contacts and being self puffed up. Or being a woman focused on the task at hand. To make the work you are focused on the best thing possible. I feel that sometimes we gloss up ourselves to show something we are not. We can’t seem to have strong enough stilts to keep up that act. I think if we just are, become what we can. I like what the woman says about what Wendy Wasserstein says “Every year I resolve to be a little less the me I know and leave a little room for the me I could be” How profound. The idea of shedding our souls like a reptile sheds his skin. That the soul is not possibly already formed and set in it’s way, that we don’t ‘uncover or even discover’ our true selves, but that it can come from building a soul, an authentic self. I mean, we are shedding our fat.

I do not consider myself a ‘runner’, at least not right now. I am going to run, I’m a walker though. I am a walker grabbing a ticket into a runners world. I just don’t see myself as a ‘runner’ but I will be. Maybe a jogger. heh. I am excited to run. I love to get out and walk fast w/ some jogging. I am cobbling together something here. I love labels, it makes it easier to understand what is in the box and to convey that information to someone who shares the same symbolism behind that label. “All cars go in the box labeled cars” but at the same time I fight the idea of labeling people. We can be so much more, and we are more diverse than a label maker’s stash of letters.

So I am on day 12 in the book. I want to get caught up so I can really dig into singular posts, but it’s been nice exercise to wrap up what I say in small tidy little blog spurts! :) I am long winded, so short exercises are a challenge. :) I love what HCG has done for me, but I am also interested in the training to run, which has conflicted with hcg a little bit, but as long as I eat sensibly and continue to train, I should continue to lose weight. We will give it a week to simmer and I will report that back to you. :)

Thank you everyone for reading. I will continue to post (Ya, you heard that one before) because I realize I do need it. It’s that ‘take 5 minutes’ a day to do something you enjoy and helps you move forward.

I also got an blog to your email set up so now I can read some of your folks blog more reliably. So hopefully you will see me around your blogs more! I love that we are a community of folks that help each other (though I have yet to see many men out there? Sigh.) and I really want to keep up with you guys!

Big hugs! Thanks again for reading!

72 hour countdown

Hey folks,

So I have decided since I am going to be serious about this training, and trying it for a few days, that I need to be off the diet in order to ‘eat right’ for training. Meaning more carbs to sustain me on the 3 mile walks. I just can’t get away from trying to do a daily 3 mile walk. I’m addicted. But with that I need to eat more. I hope no one really disagrees. I have the right to change my mind. I have the right to change my mind. I will say this enough times not to feel guilty to the outside world. I tried to ‘eat a little more’ and not gain weight but that seems a little troublesome right now.

I will give myself a week OFF the diet and see how it works. If I find myself gaining too much (which I need to do a daily weight and body fat calculations (I have a machine.)) I will go back on the hcg. We will make it work!

I’m excited though. I found a race RIGHT OUTSIDE my door. We have an awesome park across the street. They have one Nov 7th. I will run that one, I hope to find a 5k walk sooner though. I am itching to get these feet in something ‘official’.

I walked last week: Sun:3miles, Mon: 1 mile, Tue: 2.13mile, Wed: 1 mile, Thur: Day OFF (house work), Fri: 3 miles, Sat: 3 miles (Total: 13.13 miles)

I hope to land 15 miles this week. I did some miscalculations on several walks and didn’t make time for a couple walks because of time restrictions. But 13 miles from 0 miles is still something.

Okay- off to shower. We are going to my parents an hour early so I can get my husband to do 3 miles with me!! :) I AM HYPED!!!

I will post more theme hopefully tonight after I get home.

p2D25 189.8 (17.2 lbs)

This I got from Autumn's Rosier Days blog who got it from Helderheid's Blog. WOW. This is a very cool video about being alone. I hate being alone, but all I could think about when seeing this was, my family friend who is now a widow, is alone in her house. We will one day be alone for some reason, I say, when you don’t have to be alone, make it okay to be alone, so the days when you HAVE to be alone are not so painful and depressing.

Day 8: Getting from here to there, Well, I think we listen to others too much. I wish we could all somehow, at least for me, figure out what I want. Especially watching that video I am struck by the personality and the things the lady surrounds herself with. She has a tattoo. She wears wonderful knit hats. She just seems to have a life she enjoys for the most part. I realize that I try to have some sort of ‘martha steward’ exterior but I never let myself come out. Why did we do hcg? For ourselves or for someone else? If it is the latter, then we need to start thinking what self motivation we need to pull out from under our beds to keep us thin! What if our routines that we have set up are familiar and nice. Miserable as they are? We need to find new ones in order to stay thin and keep ourselves motivated to stay off hcg once we hit our goals!

Day 9: The courage to answer the call. Love leads the way, or rather, sustains us through the rough moments. So, who motivated you to get thin? Was it the love for yourself. Personally folks, letting yourself get 10 lbs over weight might not start a pattern of self loathing, maybe just an oversight on your gym routine? I could totally be wrong, and call me out on it, but I have to admit, there has to be some serious self loathing letting yourself go 150 lbs over weight. And anything in-between. Why do we not love ourselves enough to eat right and do the correct thing? It really doesn’t have to be boring. I think self loathing continues when you shove cardboard in your mouth and you say to yourself “You will eat this crap and you will freaking love it!!” You might lose 100 lbs, but you loath EVERY moment of it. You still hate yourself. Once we break the self loathing, and truly love ourselves it will sustain our journey of health. We will just naturally take good care of ourselves. It will sustain our goodwill no matter what road blocks are in our way, or how dark the night gets. We will be able to be okay with it because love is our candle, our little light in the storm for ourselves.

The troops have come into my computer space (living room) so I will end there for tonight! Many blessings and hugs to you all. Stay safe and healthy and motivated for every challenge you are hit with!

P2D22: 198(18lbs)

So, it went something like this on Facebook:

My 1st sister in law: I did cardio!

My 2nd sister in law: You should do the Mini Marathon at the Disney Princess with me

Me: CAN I JOIN!!!!!

My sister in laws: Sure!

So. I am going to work towards a mini marathon, though I have my sights set for the 13 miles, I am content if I end up running the 5k. Well, not really, but I will at least do one run in the Princess Race! :) Feb 28th 2011.

So I have already done 2 walks of 3 miles. Very enjoyable. Need a good bra and better socks! My shoes will work till I actually start running more. I am doing 99% walking right now. I am working on a 15 min walking mile. I have done a 16.5(Sat) and a 15.3(Sun) so far. I feel I am off to a good start.

I get my Nike+ this week, most likely the 14th. That should help a lot. Tomorrow I plan to take it easy with a simple 1 mile walk/jog after I get some socks!

I WOULD APPRECIATE: I know there are some folks out there that are brimming with advice about how to do this right! Please share. I am going to eat extra since I am also on the diet. I had a bowl of beans and chicken right before my walk today. I am staying on my vitamins and drinking plenty of water. I feel GREAT after a walk actually, as well as during. I am not PUSHING myself, I am comfortably walking fast. I could hold a conversation if I needed to. I am doing this!! :) I will not wait till I am skinny mini w/ hcg. I am going to make this work for me!! Bare with me, but I still want advice (not the ‘do not do it’ advice please. hehe)

 

Okay. So I am getting behind on my theme writing:

Day 6: Work is love made visible? The what?Well, you got to read the the entry to understand that better apparently. Work can be a place to minister. Translating that. Working from the heart. Make the hcg diet more then just a diet. You are shaping yourself, what you are doing is bringing something better into this world. You are creating a sexier self, a self full of confidence, a person who is content with themselves that will be more willing to smile at someone else, to share the joy they have in their heart. Fat will not longer bind us. Will not longer be our walls. Yes, this is darned scary for some of us who used fat as a wall of protection, but now we can say hello and be well received. I was also thinking – the healthier we are the better suited to help others we become, may it be walking for a cause, walking over to a neighbor to help them mow the lawn or just sit one more day longer with our loved ones by being alive. Our healthiness reverberates through the universe and touches people. Yes, maybe those ripples get weaker as they get farther away from us, but they are still there, and they still bump into someone, and I feel that the healthier we are, the more positive that bump will be!!

Day 7: Wishcraft: Getting from here to there. I like this entry. She talks about a woman who says it’s not about hypnosis or character building, its about having real graspable hands on material to get us through the day. I call them my tools in the toolbox. We need these things, real tangible things, that will get us through a hard day, I mean, think about that box of chocolates, they manage to get us through the day, but with big consequences at the end of the week. I need and desire tools that won’t make that chocolate my tool. I need real tools like ‘walking it off’ or taking 5 minutes in a quiet room to cool down. I need to have a reason to get up in the morning, and not just something that will fail me if I don’t have the personal motivation to be positive. I think the scale can be that for us while on the diet. My favorite part on Saturdays is being home with my two boys (my hubby and son) and drinking my coffee quietly on the couch. Just letting myself wake up. That is the most favorite part of the morning for me. Think ahead and make a meal you can’t say no to that is p2. That can be motivating, the dress the hanging on your bathroom wall that your THAT close to getting into. The picture of our high school prom that we looked absolutely amazing in. These things are physical motivators to help us through the moments when ‘to get healthy’ is just not cutting it for us.

Something else that should motivate us: Pictures of our family, may it be a husband, mother or children. The event we want to participate in after we become thinner to do it (like a marathon). Blood tests that are not okay now. Seeing the sun come out, the beach we would miss, the house we would forget. Things that we can not take when we go, but provide us happiness and comfort while we are here.

I have been thinking of our family friend, and he did not take good care of himself, but he LIVED life to the fullest. As much as I admire someone living life to the fullest, I still wonder ‘was it worth it sir?’ Leaving your family behind who will miss you terribly. The friends who think about their own fathers and other members. I think we need to start thinking about ‘living life to the fullest’ and what it truly means. Does it mean beer, fatty foods and seeing the world? Or can it mean seeing the world, gourmet low fat meals, and walks on the beach? A marathon here and there? Spending time with kids w/o the heavy drinking? I enjoy wine, I admit, but there has to be a limit to the ‘fun’ we can have over all. I will not make my Faux Uncle be a bad guy, and I do not mean to write him as such, but I think we deserve to stay here another day for those we love if it means laying off the Foie gras a little bit.

I told my parents the best gift a parent can give their kid is living as long as possible (I do realize that this might not be the case for some, but I thank life that it is for me). To which my father said “ You don’t want your inheritance?” And I responded “Hey, I would rather have my inheritance spent on family group vacations and gatherings if that meant spending one more day with you dad.” I meant it folks!

Long post, lots to chew on. I am only up to day 7 and we are day 13 on the calendar. Oh well, I will catch up if I do at least 2 daily! :)

Goodnight to all! Have a great start to your week! And if you didn’t, why?! Then change it, watching something funny or inspiring! :) Big hugs!

p2d19 190(17lbs)

Hello,

So I am attempting to dig into the book and come up with something that can sum up the last 9 days worth of entries.

I love the thoughts that come out of the book: Use September as a time to make your resolutions and January to rest.

Quote: “Why do you suppose so many of us waste the autumn? Why don’t we make the effort that would provide something new in our lives? January’s negative resolutions ‘are made when we are worn out in spirit, body and pocketbook, and have no real urge to do anything but rest.” – Katharine Elizabeth Fite, Good Housekeeping 1949.

September: Reaping what we sow, turning over a new leaf.

2nd day talks about woman and the world work place. We woman work hard, maybe it be at a job or home. We take care of children and food, budgets and animals. Striving to understand who we are so that we can take pride in the work we do. Why do you do HCG? Why do you go to that effort? What do you hope to accomplish? Have you lost your path in all this focus on the details of the diet?

3rd Day: The woman’s secret fantasy tends not to be erotic, it tends to involve in just packing up and going and starting a new life. Some take kids, some don’t. But it’s the idea of going and leaving behind all the work, the worries that won’t slip off our shoulders. The bills, the feeding, the work left undone, the children neglected.

This fantasy can be very helpful since it is a red flag to say we have reached our breaking point, and that we need to take a break somehow. If you find yourself done with hcg, I really don’t care when it is in the scheme of things. You should consider taking a break. I am currently enjoying the round because I got 3 months of refresh. I realized also I needed this round because even OFF of HCG I was getting scared and hated eating because it seemed I only gained. Trust your body, it can let you know when you are either ready to stop or start HCG.

4th Day: The higher calling. What is your calling? Why did you take your first dose of hcg? Was it the real reason? The deeper reason. Do we hope that we will have an oscar? A fashion model job? A better life, more activity, less health issues? What really motivated you?

5th Day: Job, Career or Calling? I translate this to the ideas of HCG. Why we do it. What is our true calling. I think if we ‘make up reasons’ it won’t keep us on track. We can be methodical about HCG every day. It’s a job. We have to inject our self (or do drops), we have to eat exactly 100 grams of meat, so clinical. Maybe we need that to get us through the first several days, but I don’t think it will sustain us with motivation. Then we have the career. This for me is the ‘we do it because we do it. It makes me healthy, it becomes routine. The oh drum of the day. We forget about it really. It becomes part of our skin, the shower we take, the children we feed, the house we clean. Just another day.

But the Calling. This is how we find motivation and passion. To dream. To enjoy. To revel in the diet. You think I am crazy? What have you done that really gets you to revel in the life long calling of staying healthy, looking like a sex bomb, or just enjoying your body? I find it in creating recipes. I find it in enjoying foods, really enjoying foods that I can find that won’t make me gain. I realize I LOVE good quality foods.

Confession time: I have not been so strait laced with this diet. My plan has been to simply stay on it, enjoy it, and then do the ‘last 3 weeks totally clean’ when I hit 145. I am ready to be ‘off the diet forever’ and I can’t afford to take 3 month breaks that end up gaining 30 lbs. I’m okay with this, I know this doesn’t follow Simon’s diet exactly, and I know that what he offers is the way. But I need this for my soul right now.

I made something amazing. The list my doctor gave me has Zucchini on it. I made some last night, had some tomato organic soup and 7% fat ground beef with it. OMG Yummy. Not 100% on diet, but it had the right veggies, though I was mixing. I still lost.

Now I know, even if you lose weight on this diet while cheating (I had a drinking bender at the funeral, sue me, and I still lost) but I know first hand that if you cheat, you are only cheating yourself out of stabilizing, that is why 3 weeks before I stop this diet I am going to eat as CLEAN as your Mother’s floors(at least my mom’s floors, heh)! Cheating the last 3 weeks is not a good idea because I believe 100% that it is what stops you from stabilizing. I have seen a lot of people think they can do it, and they suffer. I know from reading it takes 3 weeks for our body to be clean to help the stabilizing. I did good for p3, but then in p4 I couldn’t eat bread without gaining a ton. My husband did a CLEAN round, and he did much better then when he did a semi-cheating round. Not worth it.

Anyways, I am going to end there for today. I will continue to catch up tomorrow if possible. Happy Losing, Stabilizing or whatever you are trying to do!!

p2d18: 190.6(-16.4)

Hello All, I haven’t written because I have been dealing with a death of a family friend. He knew my father for 42 years. Meaning I knew him my whole life.

Yes, his passing is sad. I hate that I didn’t see him in the last couple years. You know you get busy and you just don’t see some people as often because you know they will be there forever!! Right? Sigh.

He leaves behind his wife and two daughters who both have family and a ton of friends and assorted other family members. He is dearly missed.

We went to the memorial for him on Monday. It was very nice to remember him and his ways. The things that stick out like a big thumb.

My dear faux Uncle, wherever you might be, may your journey continue and may we see you again in another life.

***************************************************

So, I did drink at the memorial party afterwards. It was amazing, the 3 close families were there minus a father and one of my brothers. They didn’t fly in for various reason. But we had the 3 families that grew up together. To see the children that we all were grown up was amazing. We vowed to keep in touch one way or another. It was nice. I allowed myself the wine, but ate a salad with salsa for dressing. Yum actually. Still lost the next day. I guess I can go on a diet of wine? me think not! No worries.

 

Theme: September: Harvest Month. Reaping what we are sewing huh? There are various passages starting from the 1st of September that run and build till the 8th. Let me see: Turning over a new leaf, the work of understanding. Scrambled or Fried.

I’m going to sit down and ponder what this all means and see if I can’t make one post about the days that lead up to it.

My son goes to preschool 3 x a week so I could just take some time out to do that. I am also being herald upstairs. My son would like me to be part of bedtime tonight. mmmmm I won’t take that for granted. Like above- We never know how long we are going to live so take each moment as a moment to be cherished. Even enjoy the diet in some way. We really do have amazing foods to eat, find intersting creative ways to do it and realize this is helping us not ‘begin to live’ but allow us to live it more freely with our bodies. Don’t obsess about the numbers or the pant sizes. If you can do things you were not able to do 10 weeks ago.. That is a prize in and of it’self. We strive to be healthy and look great, but not at the expense of us being miserable. We don’t have enough days on this green earth to do that! I mean it folks. I am frustrated that I let time go by without seeing my F.Uncle and it hurts my soul a little. It will heal, but it has been a wake up call to not let those in my present life go unappreciated!!

 

Big hugs to all!!!

P2D10: 194.8(total 12.2)

Since I do not post every day, I will just put a running total of overall weight I have lost, I think this will make it easier over all for all. heh.

Todays Theme: Accept the uncreative moments.

The quote is so amazing, and gives me what i need to hear today: “One must also accept that one has ‘uncreative’ moments. The more honestly one can accept that, the quicker these moments will pass. One must have the courage to call a halt, to feel empty and discouraged.”- Etty Hillesum.

Sometimes we hit an empty well of creativity in any part of our life. What to cook tonight, what to play, what to write, what to even think sometimes.

I had bad news this morning, nothing earth shattering, but it changes several people in my life that i care about. A death in their family, a family friend that I haven’t talked to much lately, but I still cared about. This is a very sad moment. Sometimes I find myself un able to figure out ‘how sad’ I’m allowed to be. Silly perhaps, but I can’t be the only one that thinks that.

This was the feather in the hat of already a slow start to my week. I have been a bit overwhelmed and lacking the energy to be creative over all with my life. I have several projects to work on.

I was going to work on such a project yesterday with some friends, but I found myself wanting to JUST sit down and watch mind numbing wonderful tv! I got behind on one of my shows.

Talking to my mother in law this morning I realized, she has moments when she consumes, and when she purges. I loved hearing this because it made things in my life clear. I had consumed so much information, I was done doing it. I wanted nothing more to come in. I couldn’t process any more information. I am not quite ready to purge either. I’m in that holding depot where I just want to process what I have and have a moment not to process, nor consume nor purge. We need those days, and allow them to be PART of the process so that we can move on.
What happens with our body when we push and push and push, yet it is sick? It stays in that sick gear till we can fully take care of that part, by drinking water, resting and taking care of the cold so that we can push ourselves later. I think that ‘crash’ days have to be part of our process. The refueling, the idling. The time for our bodies just to be. Sometimes we just need to look out of our window with a cup of coffee and let our thoughts direct themselves and play tennis while we watch. Be the spectator for once.

Sort of like a garden. We tilled the soil, we planted the seeds, we watered the bed well. Now we have to wait. We watch those seeds grow into plants, but do not pick them too soon or else we just have inedible leaves to eat, rather then a bounty brimming over.

This is where I am feeling at right now. Watching my seedlings grow, yet I am too impatient. Life has a way of smacking us to remind us: WATCH THE DARNED SEEDS GROW AND DRINK YOUR COFFEE IN PEACE! ENJOY IT TOO!

Gastric Bypass and HCG

Curious- Does anyone have any information about how to do the diet after a Bypass? My friend lost a bunch of weight on it, but is struggling with extra skin and weight. Her doctor will do the skin surgery if she lost 50 more lbs.

I know she tried the hcg diet, but it hurt too much for her. We think it is because of the GBypass and her food. So what modifications would she need to do?

p2d5- 197.6 (-.2)

So I have a post from yesterday I need to post. The thought I had wasn’t expressed clearly and I want to clean it up.

I’m a bit miffed that on day 5 I went down to a .2 loss? WTF?!? Yes, I said it! This is why I don’t like the scale. I could be doing all sorts of good stuff on the inside, which is causing me to retain water for a flush later. But no, I see a low loss.

I am also overwhelmed. I found out a good friend lost of his job of 10 years due to bs reasons. You need the job, but you are at the whim of your bosses mood. If they don’t feel you live up to their high standards, they screw your life. He is a good worker and has been so loyal, but that means nothing now a days. He has a 2nd kid coming and a mortgage. I think that put me in a slight empathetical slump. It effected me.

My kid ran into me, I think it could have been on purpose and I bit my tongue and have a headache now. :( Bad mood. I gave myself a time out to cool down.

My house is a mess, I am on the computer too much, and I don’t know what my problem is. I had a great time playing with friends last night, good mood and everything. I haven’t eaten yet today. and I am sort of going through the ‘food withdrawl’ I loved eating hot wings with celery for lunch. I miss that routine. I miss some shows that are now going on fall break. Sigh. Be careful of putting food in a routine. Especially certain types of food.

I think I am in a hormonal swing. And low weight loss for today. I was hoping the 30 lbs was going to just FLY off. We will see tomorrow.

Curious- if you do everything to the rules, does anyone possibly just not weigh themselves for several days to see bigger numbers? Do you have a ‘mon/thur/Sat weighin?’

I’m curious if that is smart. The scale does impact how I feel and I hate it. I was going to simply write it but a .2 is just not cutting it for me.

My son is watching a cake making video and the guy is saying ganache wrong. It’s outright pissing me off for some reason.

Yes, apparently I am all kinds of sensitive today. Sigh. Life is hard! I think I am going to take some time off from everything, sit in the corner and just veg. I need to eat first.

 

Later!

p2D3 – 200 (-3.6)

 

Good Morning all.

So, I am going to start working from that book again.

 

Today’s Theme: Eye of the Beholder.

The book talks about having one hand in life, and another in a creative element so that you lid won’t pop due to lack of artistic outlet in life.

But applying it to hcg I feel that the quote she uses says everything- “The work of art which I do not make, none other will ever make” – Simone Weil.

WoW. If I don’t improve myself, no one will. We can use use all sort of ways to get ourselves to be improved. A new dress, a self help book, going out in the park and leaving it on the soccer field. I mean, there shouldn’t be one manual for us all on how to be the masterpiece we see ourselves as.

Write down on a piece of paper how you see your self as a masterpiece, write out how you envision what you do, how you look, what you wear. But then I want you to simply throw it away. Because I bet, this is a ‘perfect’ us, an idealized self. If we don’t reach it, we won’t be happy with ourselves huh?

I think we then have to go to a mirror and look at the painting we have created. Maybe it needs a little refurbishing, but even then most artists won’t throw out the actual painting, nor will they design a completely different image. They will take off the dust, the cobwebs and maybe put it in a nicer frame.

Don’t discount who you are. You are who you are. Try finding ways to describe your notorious ‘bad habits’ into fun things.

I talk a lot. No. I’m a story teller!

I worry too much, and am OC. No. I like to be organized and make sure everything has been taken care of. Though I do know I could use a little less worriness. There are unhealthy extremes. But I think the first start is recognizing the attributes we have and turning them into positives. Once we do that, we will see if we do take something a bit extreme, and renovate it to be more manageable for ourselves.

A new frame: Lose some weight (as we do with HCG), get a new out fit that makes us shine. A new scarf, handbag, jewelry. Whatever makes US shine! Not hides us. We are worth it, otherwise we wouldn’t consider going on hcg huh?

I think some of the hardest work we will ever undertake is accepting ourselves for who we actually are and not trying to becomes something other’s want us to be. Even harder- not trying to become something we THINK we should be.

Celebrate yourself! Look in the mirror every morning from here on out and say “Your worth it” and maybe one of these days you will truly believe it and not think it’s cheesy to talk to yourself! :)

Big hugs everyone! I can’t believe I stopped doing this. This is extremely cathartic.

Have a wonderful day!

btw: I am very happy that 7 lbs in 2 days are gone! that is pretty much my load weight. So we will see what the next several days holds. If I can get into my size 16 pants in a week from now, I will be flying high! :)

Day 2 p2 – Loss 3.4 lbs (203.6)

Hello all,

I’m feeling very unemotional today. Which is good right? heh. I feel very matter of fact about the diet, which is good. I was a little afraid I would be all ‘OH GOD I AM HUNGRY!” or something.

 

I made myself a coffee and nursed that all morning, then I made spinach, fat free hotdog (kosher beef kind) and 1 egg w/ 2/3rds of the yolk taken away, for a bonding agent really. I used to eat hot dogs, Spinach and eggs when I was a kid for dinner from time to time, so it was actually ‘comfort’ food for me. :) Go figure that my 2nd day meal would be a comfort food.

I really like the Windows Live Writer to write my blogs. One click everything. Gotta like it.

I wonder if also the medication puts me in a good mood. I really feel like a cloud was lifted. You got to love the ‘burst’ of energy and the happy toons in my head! Makes for a great start. Ask me again in 15 days though how i feel. I hope the same though.

I am going to just record my weight, not get too involved in it, it will be ALL about getting into size 14 comfortably. I have a bunch of pants in that size, and I was JUST about there my last round, and now I am a comfortable size 18. SIGH. I’m a bit upset that I have to lose like 30 lbs before I can ‘start to lose’ weight again, if that makes sense. I don’t count ‘already lost that pound’ weight.

So I hope to quickly get into the 190’s because of loading weight, and since I SO EASILY went up to 200 from 170’s. I hope to get there in no time in the next couple WEEKS and not start trickling the weight by tomorrow. Hehe. ya, I don’t want much. Hence the ‘focus’ on the pant sizes.

Has anyone else noticed that with themselves. If after a round they gained a bunch quickly, that weight was quick to lose till you got back to your ‘regularly scheduled program’??

Thanks folks for your well wishes! It is always nice to have a team on your side! :)

Have a good one!

Day 1 of round 5?

Hello All,

I’m now into my HCG round. I’m doing HHCG. We will see how it works. I’m always nervous at the start if the medication works. Hehe.  Was this batch bad or something. Will I STARVE and all that weight gained through loading STICK!

I am starting the round at 207 (sigh from being at 273 LDW) and we will go all the way, till I putter out! :) I realize I get different mentality on food when I am on hcg that I wish would move over to when I am not in HCG. It is just food, I don’t have to think about it if I have the fridge stocked and outside things like reading, writing or other things will have to bring me the joy that fatty foods bring me. Go figure.

Well, we are off to the zoo with our kid. I enjoy the zoo, we have a season pass that lets us go to the zoo for the yearly fee that we pay once. :) Yeay!

I ate some food, will bring an apple, so I shouldn’t be too overwhelmed. We were so busy yesterday we forgot to buy p2 type foods. Sigh. I’m feeling never prepared enough. But I will get through this.

I am going to try to start up the daily posting with my personal insight from the journal I was doing earlier. I can’t believe I didn’t follow through with it, but I was busy eating instead of writing. :P

Almost there

So I have been sitting at 198 for a couple days, though I have done good with food. Sigh! heh.

I was hoping for a bigger pay off, but i have been walking and it has been nice!

I want to be totally mentally ready for the diet, but in the end I think I am ready to LOOSE the weight. My pants think so too. They are tired of carrying around my fat behind, so they refuse to fit! Silly Pants!

I hate that part. I got rid of a lot of pants that I WOULD NEVER need again right? Ya, didn’t happen like I planned. I also wasn’t expecting to take such a long break. But it was good. So long break! Farewell! I loved you so!

Yes, I am a bit high off coffee right now. I got a new coffee maker RIGHT BEFORE I go on the diet and won’t drink coffee because it has no milk! SIGH!

I might do some non-fat dairy up to the 26 days before I quite. I think i want to do a full 40 day round. It would be good for me. We will see how I feel at the end.

Personally folks: A 100 day round was SO MUCH EASIER! I wish I just stuck out the full 150 lbs. The thing is, food is addictive, and when you live long enough with out it, you sort of forget how good it is, unfortunately we got  every couple months to remind us and that, I think, makes the diet harder. But at the same time, I think if you do short rounds to help some pounds go off, it can be nice, especially when you get close to your target weight.

 

I have done 2 days of walking. Tomorrow will be my 3rd day of Couch to 5k program. 3 times a week I will walk. It is a jogging program, but I just pump my arms and walk faster. I wonder if onlookers think I am weird that i casually walk then all of a sudden BOOM! :) I do and don’t really care really.

I find it funny, that the moment I do start the program our weather has turned to 90 degree’s making it more sweaty and hotter out there to really exercise! :P blech. I will look forward to walking in rain, though hot weather does burn more calories.

 

question: Does anyone know how to possibly create a ‘steam room’ in a bathroom and not destroy the wall and create a mold problem? I was thinking of putting plastic tarp covering my shower and only the tile bits. So I can contain it. I could do it, but don’t want to make holes in the wall. I could make a ‘frame’ since we have a sliding glass doors for our shower. Hmmmm. Might play with that. Makes the area smaller as well.

I hope all you guys are doing well! It’s been busy at the house. I have a lot of new fabrics I have been turning into bags. :D I LOVE MAKING BAGS! I hope I can sell some of these on etsy though. We will see! BIG HUGS ALL!

2 weeks and counting

Hey folks. I am trying a Windows Live Writer to see if this works, plus to let you know that I am in the works to start HCG in 2 weeks. Less now, but 2 Friday's from now.

I went up to 204, but now I am sitting at 198 since doing the ‘right thing’. I don’t do the right thing often with food, and I forgot how much fun real meals with flavor can be. I made a chicken dish with peppers, tomatoes and corn. AWESOME! Corn and Carrots are a no-no apperently but honeslty they are better than chips, or corn dog, so I am not going to worry about it unless I have something better to eat. :)

I am trying to eat eggs in the morning and switch between steak and chicken.

 

Okay, I’m going to see if this posts works through this program now. :)